A baby-steps guide to cultivating a lifestyle of joy
Happiness has a PR problem. We often think of it as a destination, something achievable in the right set of circumstances. And we often experience it as something impermanent, coming and going as those circumstances change. If you ask the experts, they’ll tell you that neither is wrong, but they aren’t independently right, either. There are two kinds of happiness:
Hedonic Happiness
You experience this when your pleasure senses are activated. Good food, a funny movie, finding an unexpected $20 bill in your pocket—things that give you a jolt of dopamine. They're fun (and still very important to your wellbeing), but short-lived.
Eudaimonic Happiness
This is the kind of pleasure you get from being with others. It helps construct your sense of purpose, reinforces positive beliefs about yourself, and builds connections to the world around you. Aristotle's concept of eudaimonia translates to something like “living well” or “human flourishing” and was used to describe living authentically. This is the kind of happiness that experts like Dr. Laurie Santos call “the healthier kind of happiness.” It’s not fragile or fleeting; it’s a part of our identity.
Sharing any kind of emotion with others has an interesting effect on processing it. Sharing grief, for example, tends to lighten its burden while shared joy multiplies. Even self-love is enriched by the love of other people.
The problem is, we’re living in a loneliness crisis. Most of us experience a good portion of our daily social interactions online; everything is automated at the grocery store (if we even go there); AI is replacing therapists and even romantic partnerships. There’s no need to spell out how unsupportive of our wellbeing this cultural shift is—we’re all experiencing it. But there’s good news: we’re social by nature. Opening up to new people and experiences might feel uncomfortable at first, but all it takes is a little practice; like riding a bike. Try starting here:
Smile at or pay a compliment to a stranger.
“Your t-shirt is really cool.” / “My dog seems to want to say hi to you.” / “I saw you pick up that piece of trash, thanks for doing that.” Chances are that you’ll get a smile in return. And, as we noted earlier, shared joy is expansive. That person is now more likely to pay their warm-fuzzy feeling forward.
Drop off a little something to a neighbor.
The other half of your banana loaf, some extra herbs from your garden, treats for their pet—it doesn’t have to be much; it’s really about the action that says, “I care about you.” These micro-moments of connection might expand into something more. And, even if they don’t, they improve your sense of security by creating community and reliability with the people you’re literally closest to.
Join a club.
Participating in an established community lets you skip the step of identifying shared interests or experiences and jump right into bonding over them. Your local library and community center should have a list of free or low-cost workshops, support groups, volunteer opportunities, leagues, and more that are open to new members.
We learn early on, from iconic friendships like Lilo and Stitch’s, how important and impactful belonging is. There’s a childlike boldness to questions like “do you want to be my friend?” If bold is your style, embrace your inner child and go for it! In a time where most of us are yearning for connection, it’s not unlikely that authentic invitations for camaraderie will be well-received. If it’s not really your style, try some of the tips above and when you’re ready to take the training wheels off, maybe start with a question like, “would you like to join me for a cup of tea?”
Kelsey Favelle
Yogi Content Contributor, Senior Copywriter